CoD 4 shit

So I guess I got a bit bored with Team DeathMatch, I decided to branch out a bit. Now I'm way hooked on Headquarters.The objective - capture the enemy's HQ then defend it. It will switch up on you a lot, springing the HQ in different places all over the map. In this case, in "Downpour", one of my new favorites.
There are a lot of nooks and crannies to be running around in. Lots of tough terrain. I had my ass handed to me quite a few times here... But, as you can see, I did my own share of payback:

At least I ended up victorious!

ps - current rank is Colonel with the G-36 with grenade launcher, UAV and extreme conditioning... Nice.

Life's Random Questions

Every now and then people send you out all these questionnaire-type thingos. I kinda like them, but never usually answer them.

But now I have. Oh my God, how I have. If you have a hankering to know too much about me, read on:

Name:
Chris, Christopher (to my sister or parents or parole officer), Frosty, Snowman, Notozzie etc etc etc
Birthday:
August 15, 1975
Birthplace:
Hastings, New Zealand
Current Location:
Kitchen counter just to the right of the fish tank
Eye Color:
Green
Hair Color:
Brown, but graying rapidly.
Height:
6'1"
Right Handed or Left Handed:
A bit of both
Your Heritage:
Irish/English and a bit of Tasmanian convict stock in there as well...
The Shoes You Wore Today:
Flip flops
Your Weakness:
High heels
Your Fears:
You have nothing to fear but fear itself... or so said someone at some time
Your Perfect Pizza:
Washed down with a couple cold Sam Adams
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Getting to 12.59pm December 31
Your Most Overused Phrase Online:
LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:
God, give me coffee...
Your Best Physical Feature:
My crow's feet
Your Bedtime:
Too late to be any good in the morning
Your Most Missed Memory:
Can't remember (admit it, you walked right into that one...)
Pepsi or Coke:
Coke (preferably Diet...)
MacDonalds or Burger King:
McD's
Single or Group Dates:
Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Long Island Iced Tea, actually
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Chocolate.....
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Coffee (preferable by the gallon-full)
Do you Smoke:
Yes, probably too much. Fact is, I'm jonesing right now...
Do you Swear:
You better fuckin' believe I Goddamn well do.
Do you Sing:
Badly
Do you Shower Daily:
I try, but sometimes a hot face-wash is all I can be bothered with...
Have you Been in Love:
Yep
Do you want to go to College:
Been there, done that
Do you want to get Married:
Seven years in and still going strong...
Do you belive in yourself:
I think so
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:
Damn right!
Are you a Health Freak:
Are you fucking kidding?
Do you get along with your Parents:
Yep
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Nice big thunderbangers! (see previous postings...)

http://wtfmate-notozzie.blogspot.com/2008/07/storms.html
Do you play an Instrument:
Nope.
In the past month have you drank Alcohol:
Um, I'm a Kiwi, part Irish, part English - I was born with a deranged liver!
In the past month have you Smoked:
Like a chimney
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
Nope - none of that shit for me.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
They are few and far between when you're married with kids... but yeah.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
Yep, that's where the movie and the restaurant was
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
Yich -(
In the past month have you been on Stage:
Nope
In the past month have you been Dumped:
That's called a divorce for someone in my shoes, and no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
Nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Nope
Ever been Drunk:
Yep! Fabulously so...
Ever been called a Tease:
What do you think, gorgeous?
Ever been Beaten up:
Shhh, don't tell. You'll ruin my tough guy image! But not without exacting revenge.
Ever Shoplifted:
Yes
How do you want to Die:
"If I die of vanity, promise me, promise me, they bury me someplace I don't want to be, you'll dig me up and transport me, unceremoniously, away from the swollen city-breeze, garbage-bag trees, whispers of disease and the acts of enormity, and lower me slowly, sadly and properly, Get Ry Cooder to sing my eulogy, At the hundredth meridian where the great plains begin..."
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
An astronaut
What country would you most like to Visit:
New Zealand!
Favourite Eye Color:
Whatever's looking sexily at me...
Favourite Hair Color:
Doesn't matter
Short or Long Hair:
As long as it's clean, smells good, and feels good, it's all good...
Height:
Not bothered a bit
Weight:
Whatever God gave ya!
Best Clothing Style:
Relaxed
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Um, I plead the Fifth
Number of CDs I own:
Dunno - can't keep track of the piles
Number of Piercings:
None
Number of Tattoos:
One
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
Don't regret a thing - life's too short so live it!
Ocean or Lake?
Ocean - born and raised on the Pacific, now I'm a couple thousand miles away in any direction...
Pizza or Chinese?
Chinese
Mansion or Penthouse?
Mansion
Have you been on a Jet Ski?
Nope
Are you afraid of clowns?
No
How many brothers/sisters do you have?
One older sister
Favorite band/group?
The Tragically Hip
Baseball or football?
Baseball
Favorite brand of makeup?
Whatever makes my girl look good! Waffles or pancakes?
Pancakes with butter and dripping with maple syrup
Do you have an IPod?
Nope, I have a non-Ipod mp3 player. Fuck Apple.
Bike or scooter?
Bike
Ever go in a hot air balloon?
No
How will you celebrate turning 21?
With many fond memories - thanks Sammy!!!
What brand computer do you have?
Compaq
How many times have you been to DisneyWorld?
None, but I envision having to take my girls there at some stage!
Favorite city?
London, England
Ice cream or frozen yogurt?
Ice Cream
Do you think you are fat?
Maybe could use a little work...
Ever throw up in a public place?
Yep
Do you have a pool?
No
Ever drive a car?
Yes
How many times a month do you go to the movies?
Huh? That's a good one... It should be how many times a year...
Last movie you saw?
Tropic Thunder

Who is your hero?
My Father (shut the fuck up...)
How old are your parents?
At this time 65 and 60
What deceased person would you like to meet?
Sir Edmund Hillary
Do you chew ice?
Yes
Have you been to California?
LAX, baby
Last book you read?
"The Day of Battle" by Rick Atkinson

Favorite teacher?
Miss Kelly - 4th Form Math. Didn't learn too much though... ;)
Do you like to go fishing?
Yes, but do I catch anything?
How many boyfirends/girlfriends have you had?
A few girlfriends here and there
How many of those do you regret?
The ones whom I couldn't remember the next morning ;)
What is you average in school?
Good enough to get out!
Favorite professional team?
Minnesota Wild
Do you like mohawks?
Yes - used to have one in High School
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Not enough
Do you floss?
I'm too uncoordinated
Do you have braces?
Used to...
What is your last thought before falling asleep?
Why do I have to get up in 5 hours?
Do you fall in love easily?
Yes
Ever have a crush and they never knew?
Yes
Do you babysit?
Nope
Ever been shot at?
Only by Cupid's arrow...
Do you work out/exercise?
Ha!
Do you have 6 pack abs?
No, I have a well-cultivated keg, thank you very much
Do you consider yourself nice?
Yes
What movie character would you like to be?
Mr Pink - he got away with it all... And I totally believe in the whole tipping thing...

Did you ever go to camp for the summer?
Nope
Ever been bit by a snake?
Nope
Have you been on a boat?
Yes
Name of friend you have known the longest?
CDK (front row, center)

Do you bite your nails?
Shhh, yes
Do you like jumping on a trampoline?
Yes, but I get winded easily!
Ever break a bone?
Multiple at multiple times
Name of favorite Aunt/Uncle?
Aunty Anne (RIP...)
What is your ultimate job?
Getting paid to be myself...
Do you want to walk on the moon?
Nope - I hear it's cold up there
Can you name the seven dwarfs?
Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Doc, Nosey and that other one
Favorite TV show?
The Amazing Race
Apples or oranges?
Apples
Favorite model of car?
1949 Stepside Chevy truck
Favorite flower?
Daffodils
Favorite color?
Chrome
Besides family, ever have someone of the opp sex in your bedroom?
Every night!
Ever climb out your bedroom window?
Yes, but it was a long way down
Do you live in an apartment or house?
House
How many times in the last month have you had the hiccups?
None
Ever laugh so hard milk came out your nose?
Nope, but beer has!
How many cousins do you have?
A truckload
Do you believe in ghosts?
Nope
If you were a bird, what would you be?
Kea - look it up if you don't know (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kea)
Ever get stitches?
Yes
If you could, would you want to know what your future was going to be?
Nope, but a hint would be nice
How many kids do you want to have?
I'm "done" at two...
If you could change your name, what would it be?
Randy Cobra
Dogs or cats?
Cats
Who do you tell your problems to?
My wife
Who can your tell your secrets to and know they won't tell?
My wife, but not my kids
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes, sure happened to me!
Do you go to church?
Every now and then
Would you marry outside your religon?
Have done
Volleyball or tennis?
Tennis
How many people were at your last party?
About 8, kids, coz it was for Gretch's 5th birthday...
Ever ride in a limo?
Yes
Ever drink champagne?
Yes
Favorite dinner?
Steaks and baked potatoes, washed down with a nice, frosty beer...
Do you like blue cheese?
Only in small doses...
Have you ever gone streaking?
Nope - my goolies flopping about is not a sight for just anyone!
Do you own a gun?
Not allowed by law.
Your favorite song
That's an impossible question.
Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yes indeed. Gotta be some way to keep my BP up.
What do you think of hot dogs?
Why should I even be thinking of hot dogs?
Favorite Christmas song?
"Silent Night"
Can you do push ups?
With assistance.
What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
Wedding ring.
Favorite hobby?
Does online gaming count as a hobby?
Do you have A.D.D.?
What's a DD? Isn't that a cup size?
What one trait do you hate about yourself?
I get grumpy too easily.
Middle Name?
Michael.
Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment ?
Why is the sky blue? If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound? Why don't I have a '49 Stepside Chevy in my garage?
Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Three lots of nothing.
Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Coffee, beer, diet soda.
Current worry?
Economic issues
Current dislikes?
The Presidential election process.
Favorite place to be?
In bed...............
How did you bring in the New Year?
Spirit Mountain, Duluth, MN
Where would you like to go?
Away from work.
Name three people who will complete this?
Huey, Dewey and Louie
Do you own slippers?
Kinda, but I wouldn't really call them... oh alright, yes.
What shirt are you wearing?
Boston Red Sox t-shirt.
Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Nope.
Can you whistle?
Yep.
Favorite color?
Chrome.
Would you be a pirate?
I could never get the beard looking good enough.
What songs do you sing in the shower?
Country. Badly.
Favorite girl's name?
Kristine.
Favorite boy's name?
Chris. Natch. Or duh, take your pick
What's in your pocket right now?
Cellphone.
Last thing that made you laugh?
Watching MXC last night.
Best bed sheets as a child?
Honestly don't remember having fancy ones...
Worst injury you've ever had?
Knocked out cold.
Do you love where you live?
If I didn't love where I live would I still be living here?
How many TV's do you have in your house.?
3
Who is your loudest friend?
Preston (in a good way...)
How many dogs do you have?
Zero.
Does someone have a crush on you?
If she did at one stage, it's done with now......
What is your favorite book?
"Fox In Socks" by Dr Suess.
What is your favorite candy?
Black licorice.
If you could have any job what would it be?
Groundskeeper at Fenway Park.
What song do you want played at your funeral?
"Amazing Grace" by the Dropkick Murphys

What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Asleep on the chair watching TV.
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
How am I going to answer all these fucking questions???

Cranium overload? Probably.

Zone Defense Now In Play

I don't know if you have noticed, but it's getting a wee bit cooler here at night, and that means that, come October, we'll all be longing for the beaches of Cabo San Lucas.

Alright, maybe not all, but I might be.

Anyway, with this temperature change comes other changes. Changes in things living in or around your house. In my case, here come the mice.

Fuck them, I hate them. Therefore, on Sunday night, I installed the Frost Family Teir 1 Six-Zone Anti-Mouse Defensive System. And so far it's working.

Here's a picture of how my basement is laid out. I must admit, it is a very (very very) basic picture, but it gives you an idea:

Points to note: that's a real picture of me working out on my Weider 8520 Home Gym. Oh, and the beer fridge is in the bottom right-hand corner. Computer is to the left at the top where, after working out, I will be playing (badly) Call Of Duty 4.

So, as you can see, I have laid out six zones of defense. This is loosely based on the defensive strategies called into play in December 1944 by General Anthony McCauliffe and the 101st Airborne Division in their defense of the vital crossroads town of Bastogne during what is known as the Battle Of The Bulge:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Bastogne

Zone 1 is in the highlands. This seems to be where most of the little critters are coming from, judging from the last three day's results. I have a feeling that there is some weak point in our foundation where the water pipe goes outside for the hose. Before I go poking around up there though, I need to get the Maglite out. And I just had a shower. Maybe tomorrow.

Zone 2 is below and to the left of the dartboard (that's the red and green symbology on the wall...). There is poop on the ground there. This may be from transiting rodentia, or it may have fallen from on top of the cinder-block wall in the area of Zone 1. But, since we can never be too sure, let's whack a trap down there as well.

Now, if the wee fuckers make it past 1 and 2 and decide that they wish to have a bit of a workout, then beware Zone 3. Strategically located behind the home gym, for those mice who want a nibble before pulling the lat bar, this is your downfall.

Zone 4 is for the crafty wee buggers who decide to juke to the right and head off into our storage area. While sniffing around up there, you will run into the next line of defense. "Mmmm, I'm hungry" they say to themselves while nosing around the Christmas decorations. Well, help yourself to some peanut butter and Cheez-It's little buddy! Oh, and say "Goodbye" because it is off over the River Styx you go.

If, having made it past the corpse of your mate on top of the storage shelves, you decide to drop down over the breaker panel and head across the window-ledge towards the fridge, beware! You have now entered Zone 5. Precariously balanced on a 27-degree angle, there is no way past. If you head below, you will slip and fall to your death. If you try to take the high-line, you will invariably lose balance and land head-first on the bait, thus springing the nice, gentle steel bar that will SNAP! down on your scrawny neck.

Beer time. Nope. Zone 6, baby. Down low by the door to the fridge, alongside the baker's rack, you may think you want some crackers with your frosty beverage. You would be wrong, because those same crackers your little whiskers are twitching at are your doom.

So, effective it is, and hopefully the rodent population of the top end of Clearbrook Lane will get the idea that THEY ARE NOT FUCKING WELCOME. And if you do indeed make it past all these, I'll get you when my wife and kids start jumping up on the counter and shrieking.

Welcome To Your New Workplace

In the interests of decorum, propriety and teamwork, the following rules have now been put in place for your current job:

1) Do not have fun. This can be misconstrued as you having fun. That is not allowed.
2) Do not shoot rubber bands. In fact, rubber bands have now been removed from the workplace. If you want to bind items together, too bad. Please find another form of adhesive material. This also means that Sanchez and Jose catch a big break.
3) All wheels will be removed from office chairs. This will allow you to stay at your desk, and removes the ability to wheel yourself from one cubicle to the next in the hopes of joining someone's conversations.
4) Do not join in conversation. Why do you think the wheels have been removed. Conversations mean you could be having fun. That is not allowed. See rule #1.
5) No "You-Tubing". You are not allowed to view such possibly entertaining media any more. The risk of someone coming to your desk and viewing the viewing you are viewing is too extreme.
6) No gatherings of one or more people allowed in one place. This gives the impression to impressionable people that you are having fun. If you are having fun, you are not working. Work cannot be fun any more, so please do not give the impression that you are having fun while you are working.
7) No talking. Please immediately place your phone on "Send Calls". This does not apply to other members of your team, only yourself.
8) No throwing things. Things thrown can get mis-thrown or mis-catched. Mis-throws and mis-catches are mistaken for fun. They can also make noise. Or poke an eye out. And we all know that it's all in fun until someone loses an eye. Since it is all in fun, let's not have fun, and no-one loses their ocular capabilities.
9) If you wish to transport an item from one cube to another, please do not roll it either. After all, it may hit a bump in the carpet, spring up like a gazelle on coke and poke your eye out. See rule #8 above for further clarification.
10) Don't do anything. Anything you can do could likely be misconstrued as you having done something you cannot do or should not do, and we are not to do the do's we should not do.

If you have questions regarding these rules, please see the supervisor. Just rattle your spork on the bars of your cell. But not too loudly.

Looks like they have him again...

So, one of my all-time favorite blogs - "My War" by Colby Buzzell is full of news.

Colby got recalled to active duty.

Here's the article from September's Esquire magazine:

http://www.esquire.com/features/army-recall-0908

Please feel free to check out "My War" - the link is on theright. Very interesting and entertaining reading. Just remember, Colby is one of thousands affected by mandatory recalls.

Good luck dude.

Idiots

So Hurricane Ike is ashore right now, having hit Galveston, TX sometime early this morning (2am I think???).

Anyway, now is the time that the Coast Guard and National Guard, US Navy and other such agencies have to begin Search and Rescue.

Let's see - if you live in such an area that is prone to hurricanes and the like, surely you would take the time to shutter up your home and head inland for a couple of days? Or do you want to be cool and "ride out the storm"? Because if you do, then I have absolutely no pity for you. You're now taking up valuable resources, burning up time and money and endangering the lives of those that have to go out into such shitty conditions to save your ass.

Thanks. Where do we send the bill?

Anger Management

(courtesy of an email from my big Sis - thx Emma!)

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right fucking number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole calling' would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!'

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

'Yes, it is', he said.

'Can you tell me where I can see it?' I asked.

'Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,and the car's parked right out in front.'

'What's your name?' I asked.

'My name is Don Hansen,' he said.

'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

'I'm home every evening after five.'

'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

'Yes?'

'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up, and added his numberto my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

'Hello.'

'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

'Are you still there?' he asked.

'Yeah,' I said.

'Stop calling me,' he screamed.

'Make me,' I said.

'Who are you?' he asked.

'My name is Don Hansen.'

'Yeah? Where do you live?'

'Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

'Hello?' he said.

'Hello, asshole,' I said.

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

'You'll what?' I said.

'I'll kick your ass,' he exclaimed.

I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...

Hold On To Your Taste Buds - Here Comes The Drunken Chef...

Ever noticed just how much fun it is to cook when you've had a few? Or a lot of a few?

Tonight I have been concocting my recipe (also, please notice the preponderance of extraneaous verbiage resulting from variegated inebriation) for the FSC Iron Chef competition.

Unfortunately this time around, I will not be there to see if my item of choice shall win a prize or not. However, unless some motherfucker whacks out a plate of lemon bars on a fucking seafood cocktail dish (see results for salsa in the Spring), I should be home and hosed.

Or just hosed.

Or just...

Fuck it, let's have another beer.

So - here's hoping my lemon Bund cake (not mit der umlauts) takes home the grand prize. I just pray that the lemoney vanilla-ey glaze that's currently (supposedly) thickening on the stovetop as we speak/write will indeed thicken. Sometimes it seems like I'm repeating myself. Am I?

As I said before - fuck it, let's have another beer.

ps - music is always a good Sous Chef - just how fucking great is John Frusciante's solo on "Dani California" by RHCP???

Labor Day Observations

Courtesy of an interesting news cycle, I have come up with the following observations:

1) Anderson Cooper is so far up Obama's ass he can't see daylight... Or is it the other way around?

2) Wolf Blitzer is a dipshit. Why? You might ask? Here's a great example... He hangs up on a Parrish President whose levees are both leaking and about to give way because he wants to (in his own words...) "listen to the First Lady..." Is there any wonder that, ten minutes later, the President is no longer on the line when he returns? It's not like he said "Can you hang on for a while..." or "I appreciate the troubles you are going through..." yadiyadiyada. Nope, plain old hung up.

3) Obama vs McCain - is this election now going to come down to which candidate has the better fund-raising skills? Who is the better humanitarian? Which party has the most volunteers or donors? Instead of bragging about how many volunteers you can gather, how much money you can raise, let's not make it into a race. Just frickin' do it, alright?

4) Geraldo Rivera is the greatest reporter ever born. I mean, just look at how excited he gets!

Please disregard the fact that later he discovered that the guy in the water was from the Army Corps of Engineers and was voluntarily swimming out to tie a line on the tank so the rest of his crew from the barge could secure it, thus saving the possibility of damages to the Industrial Canal wall...

5) Am I the only person who thinks Sarah Palin is kinda hot?

That's just because I am an Evil Conservative... heh heh heh! I can just picture her reaching up and pulling out the bobby-pins, letting that hair cascade down as she... Whoa, sorry. I'll leave it at that. I have a date this morning with Robin Meade...