Welcome To Your New Workplace

In the interests of decorum, propriety and teamwork, the following rules have now been put in place for your current job:

1) Do not have fun. This can be misconstrued as you having fun. That is not allowed.
2) Do not shoot rubber bands. In fact, rubber bands have now been removed from the workplace. If you want to bind items together, too bad. Please find another form of adhesive material. This also means that Sanchez and Jose catch a big break.
3) All wheels will be removed from office chairs. This will allow you to stay at your desk, and removes the ability to wheel yourself from one cubicle to the next in the hopes of joining someone's conversations.
4) Do not join in conversation. Why do you think the wheels have been removed. Conversations mean you could be having fun. That is not allowed. See rule #1.
5) No "You-Tubing". You are not allowed to view such possibly entertaining media any more. The risk of someone coming to your desk and viewing the viewing you are viewing is too extreme.
6) No gatherings of one or more people allowed in one place. This gives the impression to impressionable people that you are having fun. If you are having fun, you are not working. Work cannot be fun any more, so please do not give the impression that you are having fun while you are working.
7) No talking. Please immediately place your phone on "Send Calls". This does not apply to other members of your team, only yourself.
8) No throwing things. Things thrown can get mis-thrown or mis-catched. Mis-throws and mis-catches are mistaken for fun. They can also make noise. Or poke an eye out. And we all know that it's all in fun until someone loses an eye. Since it is all in fun, let's not have fun, and no-one loses their ocular capabilities.
9) If you wish to transport an item from one cube to another, please do not roll it either. After all, it may hit a bump in the carpet, spring up like a gazelle on coke and poke your eye out. See rule #8 above for further clarification.
10) Don't do anything. Anything you can do could likely be misconstrued as you having done something you cannot do or should not do, and we are not to do the do's we should not do.

If you have questions regarding these rules, please see the supervisor. Just rattle your spork on the bars of your cell. But not too loudly.