Road Rage etc...

So, here I am, now a mellower man, thinking about driving.

What makes me think this way, you might ask? The answer lies below. But in the meantime, here's a bit of context.

When I was a younger fellow, all I could think about was getting anywhere in a hurry. That's right, put me behind the wheel and I want to get there. Fast. And there I would be, zipping through traffic, left, right, left again until I got to where I was going.

But now? I'm much more mellow when it comes to driving. Partially because now I realise that hell, why hurry? You're going to get there in the end. And partially because, if I now choose to hurry, then I can make a rash decision and get pulled over. And with my current record (thanks, stupid DWI), things could be much worse... So, there I sit in traffic, actually enjoying now watching those harried individuals trying to get there fast.

Case in point, on the way home this evening, a VW Rabbit GTi (sweet little car, I must say) comes flying up on Hwy 96 through Shoreview, in an apparent hurry. Me? I just take a look at his car, take a look at the driver (cap on backwards, total Abercrombie & Fitch douchebag), take a look at the radar detector on his dash (can someone please tell me how these are not illegal in this country???), and say to myself, "Fuck you buddy..."

But. And here's a caveat.

For all those clown-asses who think it's cool to drive 5 - 10mph below the speed limit, here's what I would like to introduce...

Now, I'm a red-blooded, perhaps a little red-necked, NASCAR fan, and in particular, I like the short track races, a mile or less long, wherein one of the tactics used to get ahead is the good ol' bump n' run. That's where they come up behind in a turn and tap the driver in front out of the way, thus sending them up the racetrack and advancing one or more spots on the board.

I would like to implement this in real life. For those of you choosing to dilly-dally at the corner of 10th St and Washington at Seven Corners, I would like to give you the old bump from behind, thus getting you out of the way, through the light that, well hell, it's a free right turn and last time I looked there was no oncoming traffic anyay, and allowing me to get on my merry way.

Case in point:

See how effective it can be? And with absolutely no harm to any other individual (though if you do indeed wish to argue the point, let's see you do it over the barrel of an M4 carbine...)