Hmph

So, such a funny turn of events we see...

Here I am, working to ressurrect a friendship from the brink of disaster when it gets closed down on me. Not after much discussion and hashing out of positions, expectations etc, but with the following:

1) I've blocked your email
2) I've given my two weeks notice
3) Don't bother trying to contact me

Not having even been given the chance to say goodbye and good luck in your future endeavours, I bade you farewell. I could well have infringed on your personal territory, emailed, called, stopped by, but I chose not to. I can't say I really figured on your leaving, but then again, I didn't see you for like three weeks or so, then maybe you had. Or, maybe you were just being a sneaky bastard and avoiding me, turning away before being noticed, heading the other way behind big sunglasses and a fake brunette wig. I don't know.

So, mentally, I had you gone. Physically, yeah, I guess as well.

I had been steering my thinking away from the physical toward the more mental, toward the more friendly friends instead of the fuck-buddy friends. Let's face it, that was never going to work out. Not only because a) I was/am the wrong man for you; b) you are too much of a woman for me; c) I never wanted you to "fall" for me (if indeed that's what you may have considered it to be...); and d) I hate myself with a fucking vengeance now for ever thinking infidelitous thoughts.

I had thought my change of thinking may well have shown up in my last few emails, but I guess not. When I was asking how things went on your dates, I was serious. When I asked such questions regarding your feelings for prospective beaus, I was serious. Yes, I fucking well care. But I now can presume that this line of thinking did not get expressed clearly. And for that I am sorry.

So, you were gone. Hell, I haven't even watched Flight of the Conchords. Fucking tape is still sitting on my desk.

Then la-di-da-di-fucking-da who do I see waltzing into the cafeteria the other day?

You wanted to hug me and tell me how sorry you were? What was stopping you?